It's over. It's finished. The sweet precious life slipped away to heaven. I cry, and sometimes at the weirdest moments. I thought I was over it, but I don't think you can ever be over a loss. I think about all the mothers who have grown those sweet souls into bodies in the womb for so long. When the little souls pass away, the mother holds onto their earthly flesh. Tiny fingers, toes, eyes, ears.... I pray for them. I lift them up in their mourning, even though I do not know their names or faces. I pray and weep for the mothers with terminally ill children, mothers who have lost their babes, only to have them for such a short time. I mourn and pray and weep for the parents who watch their children suffer, and die. Do I have the right to grieve? Do I have the right to mourn? Well, yes, of course. Does it feel fair, or right? Well, no it doesn't.. God taught me so much through this loss, this trial. God is merciful. He IS mercy. My sweet one was still forming...had a heartbeat once, but not again. When the flesh I held onto slipped away, there were no fingers or toes...eyes or ears yet, but it was a gift from the Giver of Life. Brett and I mourn our fourth baby, who will have a whole body....a glorified body with fingers wrapped around the face of Jesus. When the Lion lies down with the Lamb.
I will lift my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.(Casting Crowns)
Being a godly wife and SAHM of four sweet kiddos is such a blessing, but is a daily challenge as well. I struggle to balance my family's needs with my own and to stay focused the one who commands control of my life - Jesus Christ.